“…I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo…WTH am I doing here? I don’t belong here…”

This is not an idea that is explicitly stated in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, although many passages point to it, and the following should be taken as one member’s opinion only. I’ve discussed it with a few people in recovery and they agree, so I’m not alone.

How many times have you heard someone share from the podium that they never felt like they fit in or belonged? What if, as alcoholics, that sensitivity the literature tells us we have isn’t always a bad thing? What if it is the very thing that allowed us the awareness on some level that we really DON’T belong here?

If we are truly spiritual beings having a human experience, then nobody really belongs here. What if that’s why we drank: a thirst for the spirit or “spirits”, as Carl Jung told Bill W. in his reply to Bill’s letter? We thirst to get back home with God, where we know we belong.

The beauty of AA, the 12 steps, and continued sobriety has been this: I’ve learned that I can “call home” as often as I like. I DO belong with the other misfits in AA – they are my people, my tribe. They are the ones who have been cracked open by heartbreak so that the light of God can be let in. They are the ones who have an opportunity to truly connect with a loving, generous power in the universe that I choose to call God. I’ve learned that the soul of me doesn’t belong here in this world, and rather than that making me feel separate from the rest, the steps have made me feel more compassion for others who haven’t yet realized they don’t belong here.





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