Tag Archives: quit drinking

How I Worked Step 1

Cover of "Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story...

Cover via Amazon

DISCLAIMER: This is how I was instructed to work Step 1 by my first sponsor. There are several ways to work Step 1, and my opinion is that you DO AS YOUR SPONSOR INSTRUCTS YOU! I have since worked Step 1 using other formats, but I continue to use this format with my sponsees because I found it to be useful to me. If you have found this page and are interested in working Step 1 using this format, take it to your sponsor and discuss it with him or her. Remember, you asked your sponsor to be your sponsor because you want what THEY have, not what I have! (Although I love what I have, but you don’t know me…but I digress….)

“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Step 1 has two parts:

  1. POWERLESSNESS – Has to do with my attempts to CONTROL my addiction.
  2. UNMANAGEABILITY – Has to do with the CONSEQUENCES of my drinking and/or drug use.

POWERLESSNESS

I was instructed to pray and ask God to show me the TRUTH, then write out the following:

Excuses I made in my head through:

  1. Minimizing – making things smaller than they actually are. Examples are: “I only drink at night, not in the morning.” or “I don’t drink before work.”
  2. Justifying – a good definition I heard in a meeting is “giving a socially acceptable reason for socially unacceptable behavior.” Examples are: “I worked hard all week.” “I deserve a break.” “I can drive stoned.”
  3. Rationalizing – inventing reasonable explanations for actions or opinions that are in reality based on other causes. Examples are: “They are prescription drugs.”

My sponsor told me that a relapse starts long before I pick up a drink. The excuses I wrote down above will be the LAST thoughts in my head before I pick up a drink. The last thoughts will be preceded by a period of time when I am not doing the basic things I have to do to stay sober, which were for me the list at the post entitled First Things First.

UNMANAGEABILITY

I was instructed to pray and ask God to show me the TRUTH, then write out the following:

The consequences of my drinking, which were:

  1. Physical – Examples are: headaches, tired, shaky, over-eating, under-eating, weak, passing out, black-outs (give examples – what was YOUR experience?)
  2. Emotional/Mental – Examples are: suicidal, hopeless, depressed
  3. Spiritual – Examples are: couldn’t feel God’s presence, lost, empty
  4. Financial – Examples are: I spent approximately $________ on the purchase of alcohol and/or drugs since the time I began drinking and/or drugging, I spent money I didn’t have (via credit cards or other) while under the influence of drink or drug, I spent money to hire an attorney to fight my DUI, on DUI school, to post bail, for rehab, on chemicals that would mask my drug use or clean out my system so that I could pass a drug test
  5. In Relationships – How has my disease affected my relationships with myself, God, boyfriend or girlfriend, friends, parents, siblings, co-workers, other family members?

My sponsor explained that the consequences I have written above are my (current) bottom. She explained that the elevator can and will go down further if I drink today and that things that haven’t happened while drinking are things that I should describe as my “yets”.

My first step list was 22 pages. She explained that what was on those pages is the very BEST I can do drinking and running my own life. She told me that what is on those pages is the END and that I should “play the tape through to the end”. Upon further investigation of the Big Book (specifically in “There is A Solution” and “More About Alcoholism”) and the description of the mental obsession, I learned that there may come a time that I will not be able to remember my END.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. – BB, page 24

“I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help me in those strange mental blank spots.”     – BB, page 42

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power. – BB, page 43

It is this information that propelled me into Step 2 because I saw that if I were to stay sober, the self-knowledge I gained from my Step 1 exercise would not be a sufficient defense against the first drink!

Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?

Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. – BB, page 45

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12 Step Call

Today I went on the first real 12th step call I’ve ever been on, and it was so very sad.  I always wondered what that would be like. It was not glamorous at all.

An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature.
-BB p.16, Bill’s Story

She reeked of alcohol.  There were bottles everywhere.  We threw them away.  One – a vodka bottle – still had vodka in it.  It made me thirsty!  How can I be witnessing such horror and still have a mental pull towards that poison?  (Clearly, the answer is that I am an alcoholic!)

We told her we loved her.  We told her about the solution.  We took her to a hospital.  She almost wouldn’t go with us. I told her I believed her only other choice was to stay here and die an alcoholic death.

To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.
-BB p.44, We Agnostics

She is on suicide watch.  The back story I will not tell here.  But oh, God, how sad I feel.  This disease is so horrible.  What it does to us is so, so very tragic.

I suspect this won’t be the last time I am a witness to the terrible reality of alcoholism if I am to stay sober.  It made me think of all the people I have seen come in and go back out of my home group in the last couple of years.  So many people…where did they go? What will become of them? Are they alive? Why do some people get to stay and others have to continue this battle they will never win?

He begged the doctor to tell him the whole truth, and he got it. In the doctor’s judgment he was utterly hopeless; he could never regain his position in society and he would have to place himself under lock and key or hire a bodyguard if he expected to live long. That was a great physician’s opinion.
-BB p.26, There is a Solution

Please pray for D.

Drunkards “Cured” in 1901

While researching my family tree, I came across an advertisement in the October 15, 1901 Atlanta Constitution that I found fascinating! The ad (pictured below) reads:

Drunkards Easily Cured

Miss Mary Roberts Wants Every Lady Reader of This Paper To Know How She Saved Her Brother.

Used an Odorless and Tasteless Remedy in His Food Quickly Curing Him Without His Knowledge.

Trial Package of the Remedy Mailed Free To Show How Easily It Is To Cure Drunkards.

The terrible evil of drunkenness has at last found a conqueror.  Miss Mary Roberts, of 1033 Golden Gate Avenue, San Francisco, Cal., tells how she saved her brother from ruin and her words burn with a new hope to every woman who would rescue a son, brother or husband from the scourge of drunkenness.  She says:

“Yes, it is true that my brother is now a reformed man.  For years he drank only occasionally but at last he got so bad that to be sober seemed a living death to him.  After a spree he would tremble and shake and act as if he were going insane.  He would then drink sparingly, but in a few days would start off again, and I wouldn’t see him for a week.

I saw a notice in our home paper that there was a remedy called Golden Specific to be given secretly in tea, coffee or soft food and that they would send me a free trial.  I wrote for it and gave it to my brother early one morning in a cup of coffee before he had a chance to go out to get a drink.  The effect was wonderful and seemed to brace him up.  He went out and came back quite sober for him.  In the meantime I had sent for a regular treatment of Golden Specific and after using it my brother was a changed man.  Day after day, I watched and prayed and it all seemed too good to be true.  His whole manner changed.  I said nothing about the remedy I had been giving him secretly and did not talk of his being cured, but I would often tell him how happy I was and what a noble man he was to stop drinking.  He, of course, knows it all now, but his new life, prosperity, new friends and self-respect have long ago forgiven me for the way in which I saved him from a drunkard’s grave.  May every mother, sister or daughter learn from my experience is my devout hope, and in thus making public the story of our private misfortune and subsequent blessings it is my earnest desire that ever woman read in my words the way to happiness not only for herself, but for the man who is struggling with the curse of liquor upon him.  Dr. Haines, who discovered Golden Specific, is deserving of a woman’s homage, and I am glad to know that he will send a free trial remedy to every woman who writes him.

Send your name and address to Dr. J. W. Haines, 1783 Glenn Building, Cincinnati, Ohio, and he will mail the remedy to you in a plain package and thus you can begin the cure at once.  The remedy is odorless and tasteless and you need have no fear of discovery.”

So what became of this Dr. Haines and his remedy? Further research lead me to this website, where he is described thus:

In 1917 the American Medical Association denounced his remedy (by then known as “Haines’ Golden Treatment”) as “a cruel humbug.” On analysing the powders, they found them to comprise “milk sugar, starch, capsicum and a minute amount of ipecac.”

In theory, the ipecac holds promise as a cure – bung it in the guy’s whisky bottle and he might be violently sick whenever he takes a drop, thus he begins to associate drink with sickness.

There wasn’t, however, enough ipecac to make an impression beyond the normal effects of alcohol, and even if there were, the advert advises putting the remedy in the patient’s coffee – so at best it might put him (it’s always a him) off coffee.

There is something particularly sad about the fact that this remedy wasn’t aimed at alcoholics but at their families, who might invest in it a quantity of both hope and money that they could ill afford.

Other interesting links:

Dr. James Wilkins Haines ~ Quaker Physician, Minister, Educator and Spiritualist (1849-1893)

Haine’s Golden Specific

If you’re looking for a quick fix, I’m sorry to report that you can no longer get a sample of Golden Specific.  But if alcohol is your problem, not your solution like it was in my case, you are in luck!  There are still doctors looking to cure your alcohol problem:  DrinkLessNow.com.  If you’ve got a living problem like I do, I think your best bet is to get with the program.

Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing as making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn’t done so yet.

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

BB p.31, More About Alcoholism

One last thing:  Does the quote from one of the testimonies on DrinkLessNow.com make any other alcoholic out there laugh?  This sounds like a living hell!:

Alford W.’s Story:

I hadn’t gone into a bar without getting drunk for 10 years. After only three weeks of Sobrexa, I couldn’t finish a second martini… and I wanted to! I haven’t had a problem since.

Perhaps we should keep Alford W. in our prayers.

Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, “I don’t miss it at all.  Feel better.  Work better.  Having a better time.”  As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally.  We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep us his spirits.  He fools himself.  Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them.  He will presently try the old game again for he isn’t happy about his sobriety.  He cannot picture life without alcohol.  Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it.  Then he will know loneliness such as few do.  He will be at the jumping-off place.  He will wish for the end.

–          BB p.152, A Vision For You

First Things First

At some point in my first week of sobriety, my sponsor had me make this list of the things I must do today to stay sober.  I like that she made it really simple, although I did not find these things to be easy.

*  Pray – on my knees! 

  • Ask for help in the morning to relieve the urge to go back to my old lifestyle of drinking and drugging
  • Thank God at night for keeping me sober that day

*  Go to a meeting

  • 90 meetings in 90 days
  • Go to a Big Book meeting and a Step meeting every week
  • Share what is really going on with me at the meeting

*  Call my sponsor

*  Call 5 sober members in recovery of the same sex

*  Help another

  • An anonymous nice thing
  • Service work at the meeting such as making coffee, wiping down counters, cleaning ashtrays
  • If someone picks up a white chip, give them my phone number and tell them how I felt on day one

*  Read literature and work steps

  • Starting with “The Doctor’s Opinion”, read the first 164 pages of the Big Book and highlight what I can relate to or what jumps out at me

*  Read Daily Reflections meditation in the morning

*  Take care of yourself!

  • Take a shower
  • Brush teeth
  • Wash face

Charlie Y., Savannah, GA

Just heard a wonderful story from Charlie Y. of Savannah, Georgia full of colloquialism, flashbacks, and dialogue.

He has been sober for 18 years.  He told about the day he “quit drinking” and how that lasted about a month…then how he “quit for good” and that lasted a few weeks…and then how he “quit for real”…  Eventually he was crawling around in a 9 x 7 jail cell floor and it occurred to him that he couldn’t quit drinking.

When he got out of jail, his wife took him to a mental institution where it sounded like they pumped him full of Thorazine.

He told us of his early childhood – how mom left him – and his days in Vietnam – by describing how he answered the questions of the counselor who wanted to discuss his “issues.”  But every time he told the counselor his issue was that he couldn’t quit drinking, the counselor tried to direct him back to the symptoms of his problem – not the real problem – which was, of course, he couldn’t quit drinking.

At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.  This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink.  Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent.  We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.  We are without defense against the first drink.

Luckily, he was given the opportunity to go to an AA meeting and there he met a man who understood his problem and said, “That’s my problem too!”  He went to two more meetings, got a sponsor, and got a job making coffee that same day.  He was told to say, “It’s good to see you,” to every person who walked through the door.

He took us through his journey through the steps and continued to stress how “Just don’t drink and go to meetings” is enough to kill an alcoholic “like Charlie.”  That might work for the heavy drinker or the person who hasn’t yet lost the choice, but it won’t work for the alcoholic “like Charlie.”  We have to work the steps to develop a relationship with a power greater than us that will one day be the only thing that stands between us and a drink.

Charlie had us all laughing until he told us about the day that relationship he had developed with his creator through working the steps was the only thing that stood between him and a drink.  It was the day his son died – you could say of alcoholism – when his son rolled his jeep over.  At this, the girls around me passed around tissues.  The amazing part of that story was the way his sponsor and grand-sponsor supported him through it.

Eighteen years later, if you go to his group in Savannah on Mondays or Thursday nights, you’ll find Charlie there, making coffee, and he will say, “It’s good to see you.”